August

I started off by traveling back to France before making the Journey up to Belgium with the team to race the Tour of Namur the next day. It was 4 days long so would have many opportunities and with me not knowing where my form was it was good to go into it with no expectations so could try things I may normally be scared to do. Also with strong teams on the start like Lotto, Wanty and Baloise and some rolling terrain it would make for a good race.

The first stage consisted of 3 large laps of around 50km each one rolling but with 1 main climb of 6-7 mins. I wanted to be aggressive and try to get into a good break even if it wasn't going to go all the way. With the first ascent of the climb at 20km I thought this could be the point where the early break formed. So, after positioning well before the climb I was feeling pretty good and after a string of attacks I followed a big move with a lot of the big teams in the race represented which got a little gap but there was no cooperation. Just as the climb started to level off our group stalled and we were swamped by a front split of around 40 guys and with it dragging up for the next couple kms I just didn't have the legs to get my momentum back up so found myself in no mans land with 2 others desperately trying to get back on. After a few minutes we did get back but unfortunately the rest of the peloton got back at the same time so in hind sight it was a huge waste of energy and could of just gone back to the other group. On another day, however, that front split could well of pressed on and not come back and I would of kicked myself. After that big effort my breathing issues kicked in and from then on just couldn't recover for the life of me. Every time the road went up just felt like I was hanging on and then on the final climb I let go and rolled in with the gruppetto. It was demoralising as I thought I had fixed my issues prior to the race and made me nervous for the upcoming stages as I knew I had some sort of legs just wouldn't be able to use them.

Stage 2 was a similar length but consisted of a flat first 100km before a series of climbs in the final 40. After loosing so much time yesterday and with my teammates all still on GC the team said I was to go in the early break. With just me trying it was super tough with other teams having multiple guys taking turns following the moves. I felt I was racing well only following moves and rarely making my own, trying to only commit to ones where I could see lotto riders were close to the front so there was more chance for them to decide my break was the one and block up the road. But after an hour of following attack after attack I unfortunately dropped slightly too far back to recover and then saw the peloton slow up and the road get blocked. I was too far back to push my way through and the break was gone, I had failed. My breathing issues had already begun half an hour in so now just chilling in the peloton I still felt I could not recover. Then once we hit the climbs I just couldn't get the oxygen in and after 2 of the climbs again I fell back to the gruppetto. It just felt embarrassing with crowds giving pity claps and me knowing this isn't where I am supposed to be.

The third stage was similar with a narrow rolling circuit before transitioning to a final circuit with 2 ascents of a steep 5 min climb. I raced perfectly I feel. Not wasting too much energy and just waiting near the front until I saw a break of 5 go and lotto riders trying to block the road. I shouted and squeezed through with 3 others to help me bridge over and that was it. Finally after 2 days of trying I'd made it. And even better it was a descent sized group so would be nice to roll though with. But then within the first km of being in the break I could feel my breathing going. It then felt like I was always doing my turn on the front, unable to get the oxygen in in order to recover after pulling off. Then after only 10km if that I was struggling too much and with the person in front of me being unpredictable with his breaking in corners I pedalled too soon clipping my pedal and loosing contact. I was so angry, disappointed and embarrassed. I had let the team down again despite doing everything right. As I was caught I pulled as far left as possible in the hope people in the peloton wouldn't see me. All I wanted was to stop but with the peloton going so slow it was easier just to keep going and hope things would improve. They didn't. However, I tried to get my head down and focus on helping the team. It was a while until the first time up the steep climb so I was still near the back but then a random crash caused a split that all the team were caught in. We then did everything we could to try to close it back up in the strong crosswinds. I didn't have much left to give but did what I could and then just before the climb I did my final pull to try to close the gap a little more before my race for the day was done.

Then the final day had the most elevation with a series of 5 climbs of around 5 minutes in length each. None of them super steep but if the pace was high could definitely cause some splits. Since my failed break attempt the day before my plan was to follow moves if they looked promising and I was in the right place but definitely not force anything and try to get a decent results at the end. After an hour of watching moves through the feed a decent group split off with many of the top teams represented. I thought it would come back but they pressed on and as we turned onto the narrow road I could see Lotto and Wanty trying to block the road so I jumped and bridged with 2 others. Unfortunately after I jumped over the group stopped cooperating and came back but I am happy to of put myself in that place. Then as we hit the first couple climbs I was expecting my breathing to become and issue again but for some reason I was ok today so was able to use my legs. After 2 climbs we hit the steepest one and I fairly comfortably made the front split of 40. Most guys came back but then over each climb similar things happened until the final climb where again around 40 of us were in the front group which I thought may stick this time being so close to the line but no one took on the pace making so it came to an 80 man sprint on a false flat drag. I just didn't have the legs to move up further so I knew I was not going to be competing for a top result so just rolled in. But I was happy to of finally proved to myself that it wasn't my fitness that was the issue and gave me confidence that if I can sort things out should be good for the late season races.

We didn't have many races for the rest of August so have just been focused on training and getting back to 100%. I will go to a local toute cat race on the 31st which will be great fun if nothing else to test the legs and hopefully show I have overcome my issues. Then with a few races lined up in September I hope to finish the season strong to take some momentum into the winter.